Why Giving Birth is Better than Writing a Dissertation

A list I came up with during my lunch break Tuesday...

-Baby labor lasts several hours to several days; dissertation labor last several months to several years.

-The time spent squatting in the corner rocking back and forth moaning actually advances the process.

-Powerful as doctors are, they can’t push the baby back inside and tell you to cook it longer.

-Drugs are considered an acceptable way to manage the pain.

-If you get stuck, or if the process starts going badly, an expert takes charge and helps you finish the job in a matter of minutes.

-No one else will have a baby identical to yours—guaranteed.

-Even if the baby looks an awful lot like grandpa, no one will accuse you of copying another mother’s work.

-The name of the hospital where you deliver will have no bearing on your child’s future success.

-Delivering a baby = guaranteed weight loss; writing a dissertation = guaranteed inactivity.

-No matter the baby’s flaws, you’ll never be asked to start labor over from the beginning.

-Chances are good that your review committee will judge the baby brilliant, beautiful, and superior to all other babies without your having to say a word in its defense.

-The minute the baby is born, you land a full-time job, tenure guaranteed.