Why I hate air travel, internet-based customer-service, and the age of convenience

A rant, justified here because it is Edith-related (but not Edith-inspired).

We are trying to plan our first vacation in four years that hasn't been sponsored by a family member or friend. We need a vacation. We are excited. We are also gunshy. We haven't spent money on airline tickets since 2004. They're expensive.

We keep hunting the bargain sites. We hem and haw about where to go. We ask ourselves whether we ought to settle for a more modest destination that doesn't excite us so that the cost is correspondingly modest.

We finally commit to trying to find good fares for the Exciting Trip.

We keep hunting the bargain sites. We discover that we can get reasonable rates to our destination if we leave from Bethlehem, Pennsylvania (2 hours away) at 11pm, do a layover in Las Vegas at 2am, arrive at our destination at the crack of dawn, and return three days earlier than planned, departing again at 6am and arriving at...Philadelphia, 90 miles from the airport at which we parked our car. If any of this seems objectionable, we can get a different flight for double the price. As Dave Barry would say, I am not making this up.

So we keep looking. We raise our price limit a bit. We consider adjustments to the already-flexible itinerary.

This morning I finally see one flight on a reasonable airline (Northwest) from a reasonable airport (Philadelphia) at a reasonable hour (4pm) at $60 under our price limit. It's the only one. I call Tom. We agree to act.

I click through the screens from Kayak.com, the site that will search multiple airline bargains, to booking at Northwest. I run through all the elements. The price is for real. The times are for real. We're good. I put in our info.

I get to passenger names. I see that it wants three adults, with names appearing as they do on said adults' government-issued registration.

I back up to see how I can change one passenger to a minor. This is not obvious. It is not possible to specify passenger ages on Kayak. On Northwest's site I finally figure out how to do so (hint: Not "Modify Search," but "More Search Options"). I change the age of the third passenger. I click.

The itinerary disappears. No combination of those flights are listed. I can now book an itinerary with two layovers each way for $60 apiece more than the itinerary I'd wanted. No way.

I go back to start from scratch, first at Northwest. The flights don't come up. By this time I fear that the remaining seats have been sold. I try again through Kayak. The itinerary reappears, at the original price. But with three adults.

I decide to call Northwest customer service. I look for a phone number. I am shunted to three different screens where I can find a FAQ. I am shunted to two more screens where I can fill in different email forms with an explanation of my problem. My problem is not listed. I finally find a phone number.

I am on hold. They tell me my wait time is six minutes, or I that can email and I will probably be one of the many people who get an answer within two hours. Um, six minutes, two hours. Let's think...

I get a customer service representative. I tell her my problem. She has no idea whether it's okay to book the flight as listed on my screen or not. She doesn't know if having us listed as three adults will cause any glitches. She tries to navigate through the relevant Northwest web pages to see what happens when she puts in two adults and one child. She, of course, has no more power over the computer than I do. It's not as though she is a trained booking agent with access to the full range of Northwest booking options. She is not informed on Northwest rules and regulations. She is not able to correct a detail like the age of a passenger. That would be superfluous. She's just a kid, younger than I am, playing on the same internet site I am.

Surprise: She doesn't come up with my itinerary. What flight number do I want? No, she doesn't see that at all. She starts from scratch, putting in that flight number. No, that flight doesn't seem to exist. I must have something wrong. I tell her it exists on the screen in front of me. No, she doesn't see it. I should try again myself. Am I flexible about my flights? Oh, about my flights but not about the fare? She understands, of course. Has she answered all my questions?

So much for customer service.

So. I am aware that when I began just six seats remained on these flights. Time is ticking away. Do I just hit "Purchase" and book us as three adults, hoping that the agent at the ticket counter will look at Edith, judge that she is not of age to have a driver's license, and send us on our way? Or would that count as a change to the booking, costing us $100?

As a last ditch effort, I go back and try to come up with the same itinerary through Expedia and Travelocity, sites where you can specify the age of each passenger from the get-go. It pops right up on each. But it is $21 more. Do I quibble over $21, or do I just rebook through one of those sites, thus assuring myself that everything is in order? On the other hand, do I take the time to run through the whole thing again and risk losing the tickets entirely?

Finally, I return to the Northwest site where I have already entered all the seat assignment and credit card info...and I click. I either saved $21 or lost $100.

Either way, it's probably not worth the hours off my life.

Incidentally, any readers who feel that I am rather selfish in griping when, at the end of the day, we get to go on a cool vacation are well within their rights to point that out. My only feeble explanation is that this trip booking experience has served as a useful outlet for misplaced anxieties on a number of other currently pending issues (dissertation deadline, lease expiration, etc.). Thank you for your patience.