I desewve a speshoo tweat

Tom and I occasionally make the above simpering mark as a joke, learned from an accomplished, cosmopolitan friend whom I was stunned to hear utter that phrase, with that accent, on a mutual business trip a number of years ago. She was wheedling the group to stop for ice cream and un-self-consciously lapsed into a posture she must have learned in her family of origin as a child.

For my part, I don't usually claim to deserve special treats. Wheedling baby talk doesn't get one very far with my husband, as some of you may know. In fact it does the reverse, as his puritanical roots surface and he reveals his disgust with one's small-mindedness and/or artificiality.

And neither of us imagines ourselves in need of much pampering. For a number of (graduate-school impoverished) years, our Valentine's and anniversary gifts to each other have been descriptions of what we would get each other if we could. We've found that almost as romantic.

We also don't imagine we "deserve" anything for most life accomplishments. I never imagined that getting through generals, defending a dissertation, serving in the Peace Corps, or getting a job offer--all the hardest things in my adult life--merited material recognition. They're their own reward.

But.

Thanks to Alice, and much coaxing and soothing and pretend play...I may finally have retired from an 8-year job. It appears that mama cow, provider of mommy milk since 2005, has finished her last day in the milking parlor.
 
I didn't nurse my girls so long because of ideology. I didn't do it for a merit badge. I didn't do it to prove I'm mom enough. If anything, I often felt out of control and insufficiently strong to cut if off, as many of you know. If you'd told me in the spring of 2005 that it was going to be eight years, I might have turned to bottle feeding right away.

I'm not proud, sentimental, or sad--just relieved, like the marathoner 5 yards past the finish line.

...And honestly, it may be simpering, but I'm feeling that I deserve a special treat.*




*After all Alice is getting a big present for weaning, and she's been at the nursing thing only half as long.